Theresa "Tess" Servopoulos (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dog_eat_dog) wrote2014-01-22 05:42 pm
dog_eat_dog) wrote2014-01-22 05:42 pm
FICLET 031
Sixteen-year-old Tess experiments with running away by heading to D.C. to visit her cousin Renee. Life is so hard, being a teenager.
Also TLOU/24 mashup/crossover yahhhhhhh fight me I do what I want etc, 4400 words ew
"Hello?"
Tess cradles the phone against her ear for a long moment, silent, suddenly unsure of where to start. Should she delay the reason she called for small talk, or jump right into it? Should she let out all her righteous anger or cast herself as the victim? Tess thought she had her mind made up when she dialed, but faced with that "Hello?" she's questioning everything.
"Hello...?"
Tess lets out a long breath that fogs on the cold air.
"Hey, Renee," she says. Gulp. "It's Tess."
"Hey, Tess." Renee sounds surprised, but pleasantly so. "How are you? I haven't heard from you in a while."
"Dad confiscated my phone," Tess admits. "And I lost Internet privileges. Grounded."
Renee gives an amused noise. "Too cool for the home phone?"
"Something like that. Dad's extra strict without Mom home." Mom's been out of town for weeks for work. Tess is silent for a beat, and then she says: "How are you?"
"I'm alright. Are you alright?" Renee asks in return. "You sound a little off."
Tess is silent for another beat, and then she heaves a sigh, leaning against the metal box intended to shelter the pay phone from the weather. It's cold as hell, but Tess is tired.
"Ugh," Tess says. There's an unspoken complaint in there, but it stays unspoken. Her cousin is an FBI agent, of course she can snake out people hiding things.
"You sound guilty as hell," Renee replies. "What's up?"
"I'm at the bus terminal in D.C.," Tess says. "Can you pick me up and I'll explain then? I only have two quarters and I'm on a pay phone."
It's Renee's turn to pause, but when she speaks, her voice is softer, more sympathetic. "Alright. Which terminal?"
"The main one," Tess says.
"I'll see you in about twenty minutes," Renee replies. "And stay inside, stay where people can see you."
"I know," Tess says. And then, almost a little pathetically: "Thanks."
---
Tess is standing by the front doors of the terminal when a black car pulls up on the drive. The place is deserted and there are only so many people it could be, now that all the other bus passengers have shuffled off or been picked up already, but still Tess squints to see through the darkened windows of the sedan. Sure enough, it's Renee, and she's stepping out of the driver's side shortly after, the engine still running.
Tess almost feels embarrassed when Renee meets her eyes through the glass pane of the doors. Renee just looks mildly concerned as she tramps through the thickening snow to the front doors, and Tess meets her half-way.
"Hey, kiddo," Renee says. They hug somewhat awkwardly, Tess's backpack getting in the way.
"Hey," Tess says.
"Let's get out of the cold, huh?" Renee smiles.
Tess nods and follows, getting into the front passenger seat and shucking her backpack into the back seat. Renee slides into the driver's seat, pulling the door closed behind her with a snap. The doors all automatically lock, and Tess looks at her own knees.
"Do I get to know why you're here?" Renee asks.
"I wanted to visit," Tess grumbles.
"On a school night, unannounced, at one in the morning," Renee replies, a little skeptically. Tess knows Renee knows, but Renee drags it out anyway. "I'm going to guess your dad doesn't know where you are."
Tess stays silent for a moment, stubborn, and then admits: "No."
"Uh huh," Renee says, unsurprised. She shifts the car into gear and puts her foot down on the gas, and they're off. Tess lets Renee continue to fill the silence. "You know I have to call him, right? If I had a teenager taking buses out of town, I'd want to know, especially at this hour."
Tess looks to Renee with a glower. Traitor.
"I'm not turning you in," Renee adds, pointedly, though her phone is already in hand. "You can stay with me tonight, take a snow day from school tomorrow, and then we'll see about getting you home. But your dad has to know where you are."
"Can't I just be under FBI protection?" Tess argues. "Just for like, twenty-four hours. Give him a chance to miss me, regret what an asshole he is."
"It doesn't work like that," Renee replies, but there's a touch of amusement there. "He missed you the minute you walked out the door, I'm sure."
Not likely, Tess wants to grumble, but instead she keeps her eyes on the road ahead.
Renee dials. Tess notes the hands-free set-up on the dashboard, but Renee opts to hold the phone instead, something that she's sure Renee wouldn't do while driving unless Tess were in the car.
"Hey," Renee says, so quickly Tess is sure that the phone couldn't have rang more than once. "Hey, Uncle. It's Renee… yeah, I've got Tess with me." (Here Tess can hear her father's voice raise, unintelligible but notably loud.) "She's fine, just a little upset. I'm going to take her back to my place. I hope it's alright that she stays with me tonight… with the weather like this I don't think there's any point in you making the drive tonight… Uh huh. I know, I know."
"I'm not sorry," Tess pipes up. Renee glances her way but betrays no opinion in doing so.
"She doesn't want to talk right now," Renee continues, more firmly. Here Tess is a little surprised. "I'm not going to put her on. I'll have her call you in the morning, though… I know. I know, Jim… Alright. I'll talk to you in the morning, too… Alright. Goodnight."
She hangs up and sets the phone in its cradle on the dashboard. She doesn't say anything to Tess for a moment, and Tess feels suitably shamed.
"Thanks," she says, a bit lamely.
"It's no trouble," Renee replies.
They're both quiet for a few minutes, and Tess stares out the passenger window, watching the snow fly by them as they turn onto the highway. Renee keeps her eyes straight ahead, but Tess can tell her attention isn't completely on the road.
And then, finally, Renee speaks again.
"So… do I get to know what happened?"
"It was just a fight," Tess replies, somewhat reluctantly.
"That must have been some fight for you to flee the city," Renee remarks. There's an unspoken encouragement to go on, too.
"I don't know, I was just tired of getting bossed around and told what to do when he's barely even here," Tess says, a little hotly. "I don't get why I have to follow all his stupid rules. Why should I? I'm old enough to make my own choices, if I don't want to make my bed I don't get why it's such a big deal to him, why everything is such a big deal to him."
Renee almost smiles. "I'm guessing this is about more than just you making your bed, though."
Tess gives a noise of aggravation.
"This is the real world, not the military, so why the fuck does everything have to be run like I'm in the fucking army?" Tess continues. "I didn't sign up for that, why can't he just lay off a bit? Why does everything have to be run so seriously?"
"That's just how your dad is," Renee replies.
"So?" Tess snaps. "That's not how I am! What does it matter if my room is messy, or I stay out a bit late, or I do things my own way? It's not like it hurts anyone. He says that it's to show we respect ourselves but holy fuck, it's a bedroom, or a party, or whatever, I don't think clothes on my floor means I don't respect myself, or not being home for dinner makes me a troublemaker."
Renee nods.
"I can't say I disagree with that," Renee says. "But maybe it's more about respecting the things you have, taking pride in your room, respecting his rules. It might not always make sense but rules are in place for a reason. I'm sure he has his reasons."
"He's not even home half the time," Tess points out. "Why are his rules the most important when he isn't even here? Why do I have to be home for dinner every night if he's not even there half the time?"
"Have you asked him that?"
"Yes," Tess seethes. "Why do you think I fucking left? He doesn't have a good excuse for anything. He's just on a power trip, and Mom backs him up and Neil doesn't question it, and no one takes my input seriously. So why bother? I'm out. I'll stay with you for a bit."
"And you think I'm reasonable compared to your dad?" Renee asks.
Tess glowers at Renee, feeling a little betrayed already. Renee's supposed to be really reasonable compared to Dad, Renee is supposed to be on her side.
"Yes," Tess says, hotly. "Your life is basically my dream life."
"Okay," Renee replies. "I think I'd agree with your dad on a lot of things, actually, but I can grant I'm a little cooler than him. But I think that's because I live alone and have a 'cool' job and things like that, not because I'd be any more okay with you leaving things a mess or going out at all hours. You're sixteen, Tess, you need some boundaries."
"But no one ever says why it has to be those boundaries," Tess retorts.
"So what boundaries would you want, instead?" Renee asks.
Tess has to pause to think.
"You're changing the subject," she says. "Why do I need any boundaries? Being sixteen doesn't make me stupid or incapable of making my own choices."
"You're right, it doesn't," Renee says. "But everyone has boundaries. What do you think my job is? It's to investigate people who overstep boundaries. They might not be ones like 'everyone has to be back home by dinner time' but they're still boundaries."
"Wanting to be able to go out with my friends after dark is not the same as being a fucking terrorist," Tess argues.
"It's not," Renee agrees. "But your dad isn't home half the time, you said. Neil is away most weekends for basic training. Your mom works a lot. Don't you think that being home for dinner is a way to ensure you guys get to spend time together as a family?"
Tess pauses again.
"If that's his deal, he could just say that," Tess says, finally. "He doesn't have to fucking yell at me."
Renee shakes her head. "You're pretty hot-tempered, Tess, just like he is. You don't exactly wait before snapping at people when you feel disrespected. Why should he wait when you don't? You both have to make an effort."
Tess feels caught between a rock and a hard place. Either she argues that her father is the adult and therefore supposed to be reasonable, casting herself as an unreasonable sixteen year old, or she argues that she has some divine right to unleash her temper that her father doesn't. Either way, it's a failing argument, so Tess settles for making a noise of pure frustration.
Renee chuckles.
"Oh, shut up," Tess grumbles. "Like you were never sixteen."
"Of course I was," Renee replies, almost cheekily. "That's how I know."
---
For all the frustrations involved in the whole "running away" affair, Tess does have to admit it has its payoffs, like getting to spend time with Renee and get treated more or less like an honorary adult. While all of her classmates back in Boston get up at seven to get ready for high school and scramble to catch the bus, Tess is up at seven-thirty and trailing behind Renee as she gets ready for work. Renee lends her a pair of nice dress pants and a button-up blouse, and Tess delights in getting to feel like an adult. They get breakfast on-the-go, raspberry turnovers and breakfast sandwiches and coffee from Starbucks, and take a cab to the FBI's office. In the bright lobby, warm despite the thick snow outside, Tess is in awe of all the important people bustling back and forth, no doubt all responsible for the entire United States' safety. Tess is on a high, even in Renee's office, where she is sat at the desk and permitted to fool around on the internet (albeit not the more fun parts filtered out by the office firewalls) and waste time while Renee is in meetings.
But after the first hour with Renee in meetings, it starts to get boring. Tess decides to see how far her visitor's badge can get her, but to her disappointment, it barely gets her beyond Renee's secretary, and adults everywhere give her looks that make her feel out of place. By the second hour, Tess has exhausted her interest in the lobby and found nothing of interest in the bathroom or the staff lounge. By the third hour, she's bored out of her mind.
Renee comes to her rescue before too long, though.
"Having fun?" she asks, smiling.
"Way better than high school," Tess replies, confidently.
"Good," Renee replies. "Larry is taking us to lunch now, and then you are gonna call your dad. That cool?"
"I'm cool with lunch," Tess says. "Who is Larry?"
"Larry Moss. SAC of our field office."
"What's a SAC?"
"Special Agent in Charge."
"Huh."
"You still have to call your dad, though," Renee replies, taking her winter jacket from the coat closet and pulling it on. Tess does the same, though she makes a face. She decides not to concede, even if she knows she's not going to get out of it.
Off they go to lunch at a little sandwich place down the street, trudging through the snow instead of taking a cab, and Tess is once again feels like an adult. Larry is a little intimidating but altogether rather kind, and encourages Tess to pick whatever she wants, laughing that it's on the FBI's budget. Tess doesn't have much to contribute to conversation, but she tries where she can. Eventually, however, Larry asks why she's hanging out at the FBI's office instead of in school.
"I live in Boston, I'm just visiting Renee," Tess says. It's true, at least.
"Lucky girl," Larry says. "I have a teenage boy in school right now, he's been bugging me to take him to work for a day for years."
"Why haven't you?" Tess asks.
"Security reasons, mostly," Larry replies.
"There's a reason you've spent most of the day in my office," Renee adds. Tess resists the urge to roll her eyes; as if she didn't know that. Renee continues to Larry: "Most of the Walker family is into law enforcement of some sort. I aim to show Tess how boring it is to be an FBI agent."
Larry laughs, and so does Renee, as if their job isn't the hair-raising kind of exciting at least once a week. Tess watches them laugh and share a few quips about it, and then they both turn to the counter to take their sandwiches. When Renee's not facing Larry, however, Tess sees an uncomfortable look pass over her cousin's face, her mouth smiling but her eyes too distant.
Tess meets Renee's eyes with a questioning look, but Renee goes back into conversation without that troubled look.
"You must be getting to the point where you have to pick where you're going for university," Larry says, conversationally. "Are you following the rest of the family?"
"Maybe," Tess says. "I don't want a desk job, though."
"Every job has its paperwork," Larry replies. "And if it doesn't, then you're going to have the worst hours. You remember those years, Renee?"
"Ugh," Renee replies, simply, before tucking into her sandwich.
"You worked hard to get where you are," Larry continues. "We all did. But once you get to where you want to be, you have a chance to do a lot of good work for this country. In this job, we do things that impact everyone. We enforce the law while keeping people safe."
"You're talking in clichés," Renee remarks. "Don't pitch her on this job, Larry. She doesn't want this job."
Sitting in a nice lunch house with an artisan sandwich and wearing one of Renee's nice blouses, Tess could argue that this is exactly what she wants, to be a responsible adult with financial freedom and a nice wardrobe and a respected job, but Tess thinks of Renee's distant look and thinks better of it.
"Why not this job?" she asks, instead.
"Way too much responsibility," Renee says. "For someone who doesn't make curfew, especially."
Tess scowls, and Larry chuckles in a way that bothers Tess. Renee leans back in her seat, as if victorious, her smile still not reaching her eyes.
Tess just busies herself with breaking saltine crackers into her soup, leaving the floor for Larry to start talking about his own son.
----
Back in the office, Tess hangs up her coat again, and then takes Renee's to do the same. Renee adjusts her blazer and then slips off her boots in favour of her office loafers. Tess keeps her boots on but takes care to stomp off the worst of the slush and salt.
"I'll be glad when this winter is over," Renee remarks. "I hate all this snow."
"At least we have snow this year," Tess replies. "I barely got to go skating last year."
"A tragedy," Renee teases. "I could go without for another decade, honestly. It's too bitterly cold"
Tess snorts, and there's a moment of silence as they go back to Renee's office. She watches the back of Renee's head as they walk, caught between admiring how pretty Renee's hair is and wondering about that distant look from earlier. Renee sits down at her desk and pulls the phone base towards her, taking the phone from its cradle.
"Renee?" Tess asks.
"Yeah?" Renee pauses, phone halfway to her ear.
"Before we call dad, can I ask you a question?"
Renee puts the phone back in its cradle and looks up at Tess, who stays standing on the other side of the desk. A silent allowance to proceed.
"Do you wish you had another job?"
Renee pauses thoughtfully and then gives a small nod. "Sometimes." She then adds: "Why?"
"No reason," Tess bluffs. "I was just thinking. You seemed like you didn't think it was a good job to have."
"It's a good job, Tess," Renee's smile is still there, a little sad even though her voice is as calm as ever. "But it took a long time to get here, and I don't know that I'd do it again. There also isn't much room to advance from here, either, and a lot of people burn out in this job."
Tess nods.
"It just seems like a good job," Tess says. "This fancy office and nice clothes, and lunch, and a fancy title. You get to call yourself a Special Agent for the FBI. That's pretty awesome."
"It is," Renee agrees. "But awesome isn't really high on my priorities these days."
Renee starts to dial, and then she holds out the phone towards Tess. Tess takes it, reluctantly, and listens to the phone ring without lifting it to her ear.
"It's important to me," Tess says. "I don't want a boring job."
Or to be a boring person, really.
"Boring seems pretty appealing most days," Renee replies. "Just talk to your dad, alright?"
Tess sighs, lifting the phone to her ear proper just as her father picks up. Renee rises from her seat and slips out, closing the door behind her so Tess can talk in private.
"Hey dad," Tess says, finally.
It's all downhill from there.
---
Jim Walker arrives in Washington, D.C. just before dinner, just in time to intercept Tess and Renee leaving the office. Tess feels a chill run down her spine when she sees his car in the parking lot, and this time she can't blame the cold. Renee puts a hand on her shoulder and says, calmly, "Relax."
Tess still expects to get shouted down.
Surprisingly, she doesn't. When her father meets her part-way at the curb, he says her name sternly but he immediately goes in for a hug. Tess finds herself in a bear-like hug for about five seconds before she hugs him, too, arms around his waist and face buried in the cold leather lapel of his jacket.
"Jesus Christ, kiddo, don't you ever scare me like that again," he says, and when he finally releases her he holds her back to get a good look at her. "Don't you ever pull something like this again. Ever."
Tess drops her eyes and scowls, but she doesn't argue. Internally, she's praying the drive home isn't this awkward. It's bound to be, though, considering Renee won't even be there as buffer.
"I know, Dad," she says. "I'm sorry."
"Jim," Renee says, more in greeting, and Tess loves her for even trying to diffuse the tension. Tess steps aside so her father and Renee can hug, however briefly.
"Thank you so much again," Jim says to Renee, and the relief on his voice is palpable. "I was about ready to call in the National Guard."
"Definitely not necessary when she's in my custody," Renee replies. The joke is weak, but Jim laughs anyway. Tess just keeps scowling.
"No kidding," Jim replies. "You sure she didn't get in the way?"
"Positive," Renee replies. "We had a lot of good conversation when I wasn't boring her to tears."
"Ha ha," Tess interjects, dryly.
Adults.
---
Needless to say, the drive home isn't much better.
Mercifully, most of it goes in silence. They take the odd rest stop for gas or a late-night snack, but eventually they exhaust all the good CDs in the car and the radio gets boring and they have nothing but silence between them.
Tess still feels a little angry, but she feels a lot of embarrassment, too, and it swells with the silence. For being grown-up and mature, she sure did worry a lot of people and run pretty far from her problems.
Still, it hurts to keep apologizing when she feels she's owed one too.
Instead she tries a little conversation on something else.
"Do you like your job?" she asks.
Her father looks to her, almost a little surprised, and then he shrugs.
"It pays the bills. It's a respectable job."
"You're always complaining about how people don't respect soldiers enough, though," Tess points out. "I didn't see Renee do anything but paperwork and go to meetings and she's an FBI agent, the kind they make TV shows about."
Jim shrugs.
"Do you think any soldier wants to see TV shows about their job? That ain't respect, Tess," he replies. "I said respectable, meaning it's good and important. I don't want to be walked on by people who claim to be anti-war but really end up being anti-soldier, sure, but that's a whole different matter than having a respectable job."
"Is Renee's job respectable?" Tess asks.
"That's up to her, I guess," he replies. "I wouldn't do it –– not my kind of rules. I don't believe in sitting behind a desk while people are dying. She might handle terrorists here in America but I handle them at their breeding ground, and it's too late when they're already on American soil. But she still does necessary work, even if I wouldn't do it. She's done a lot for this country."
"More than just paperwork and serving papers and making arrests," Tess says.
"More than that," Jim nods. "You were probably too little to remember when she was doing undercover work, but she still does field work."
"Was that when she was away for like two years?"
"Sixteen months," he corrects her.
"Whatever. I was like thirteen. I remember that, thanks, it was only three years ago," Tess replies, a little more snippy.
Jim shakes his head. "Sorry, Tess," he says. "But you know what I mean."
Tess doesn't think she does, but like hell she's going to admit it.
"It sucked when she went away," Tess says, leaning against the window to watch the painted lines on the pavement zip by. "At least you're only gone for six months, maybe a year at most. Sixteen months blew, she's my favourite cousin."
Jim is quiet for a moment, and then he says, "Being away from family and friends is probably why she left it, Tess."
Tess looks at her father with a scowl.
"You don't, though."
Jim breathes a long sigh, a little frustrated.
"It pays the bills," he repeats.
Tess looks back to the window.
"Someday, kiddo," her father says, "you'll be giving things up for your family, too. You're gonna do a lot of things you don't want to do. That's what being an adult is like, unless you're alone."
"Renee seems fine," Tess says, coolly.
"Renee makes a ton of sacrifices," he replies, pointedly. "I know you hate hearing this, but you're going to understand that someday. Especially in a family like ours –– we're always on the front lines. You enlist like your brother has, or go into police foundations or something like that like Renee, you make sacrifices. Someday you'll get that."
Tess doesn't bother replying. Instead she stares out the window, the road disappearing behind them and the snowy fields and trees coasting by, and she thinks about what she could possibly sacrifice as an adult. She wonders when it'll happen, if not at eighteen or twenty-one, when she actually gets to be an adult and how much freedom she'll have from the boundaries she's trapped by now.
Fuck adults, waxing poetic about the struggles of adulthood as if they'd never been teenagers, trapped under adults' thumbs.
"Tess?" her father says.
"Yeah?" Tess replies, under her breath, attention still on the world beyond the car window. She can see some of his reflection in the glass, though, looking at her. His eyes seem a little sad, just like Renee's, but maybe that's just her imagination.
"Don't grow up too fast," he says. "I know it sounds like a cliché, but teenagers have a hell of a lot more fun, even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes."
Tess gives a huff.
Sure.
Also TLOU/24 mashup/crossover yahhhhhhh fight me I do what I want etc, 4400 words ew
"Hello?"
Tess cradles the phone against her ear for a long moment, silent, suddenly unsure of where to start. Should she delay the reason she called for small talk, or jump right into it? Should she let out all her righteous anger or cast herself as the victim? Tess thought she had her mind made up when she dialed, but faced with that "Hello?" she's questioning everything.
"Hello...?"
Tess lets out a long breath that fogs on the cold air.
"Hey, Renee," she says. Gulp. "It's Tess."
"Hey, Tess." Renee sounds surprised, but pleasantly so. "How are you? I haven't heard from you in a while."
"Dad confiscated my phone," Tess admits. "And I lost Internet privileges. Grounded."
Renee gives an amused noise. "Too cool for the home phone?"
"Something like that. Dad's extra strict without Mom home." Mom's been out of town for weeks for work. Tess is silent for a beat, and then she says: "How are you?"
"I'm alright. Are you alright?" Renee asks in return. "You sound a little off."
Tess is silent for another beat, and then she heaves a sigh, leaning against the metal box intended to shelter the pay phone from the weather. It's cold as hell, but Tess is tired.
"Ugh," Tess says. There's an unspoken complaint in there, but it stays unspoken. Her cousin is an FBI agent, of course she can snake out people hiding things.
"You sound guilty as hell," Renee replies. "What's up?"
"I'm at the bus terminal in D.C.," Tess says. "Can you pick me up and I'll explain then? I only have two quarters and I'm on a pay phone."
It's Renee's turn to pause, but when she speaks, her voice is softer, more sympathetic. "Alright. Which terminal?"
"The main one," Tess says.
"I'll see you in about twenty minutes," Renee replies. "And stay inside, stay where people can see you."
"I know," Tess says. And then, almost a little pathetically: "Thanks."
---
Tess is standing by the front doors of the terminal when a black car pulls up on the drive. The place is deserted and there are only so many people it could be, now that all the other bus passengers have shuffled off or been picked up already, but still Tess squints to see through the darkened windows of the sedan. Sure enough, it's Renee, and she's stepping out of the driver's side shortly after, the engine still running.
Tess almost feels embarrassed when Renee meets her eyes through the glass pane of the doors. Renee just looks mildly concerned as she tramps through the thickening snow to the front doors, and Tess meets her half-way.
"Hey, kiddo," Renee says. They hug somewhat awkwardly, Tess's backpack getting in the way.
"Hey," Tess says.
"Let's get out of the cold, huh?" Renee smiles.
Tess nods and follows, getting into the front passenger seat and shucking her backpack into the back seat. Renee slides into the driver's seat, pulling the door closed behind her with a snap. The doors all automatically lock, and Tess looks at her own knees.
"Do I get to know why you're here?" Renee asks.
"I wanted to visit," Tess grumbles.
"On a school night, unannounced, at one in the morning," Renee replies, a little skeptically. Tess knows Renee knows, but Renee drags it out anyway. "I'm going to guess your dad doesn't know where you are."
Tess stays silent for a moment, stubborn, and then admits: "No."
"Uh huh," Renee says, unsurprised. She shifts the car into gear and puts her foot down on the gas, and they're off. Tess lets Renee continue to fill the silence. "You know I have to call him, right? If I had a teenager taking buses out of town, I'd want to know, especially at this hour."
Tess looks to Renee with a glower. Traitor.
"I'm not turning you in," Renee adds, pointedly, though her phone is already in hand. "You can stay with me tonight, take a snow day from school tomorrow, and then we'll see about getting you home. But your dad has to know where you are."
"Can't I just be under FBI protection?" Tess argues. "Just for like, twenty-four hours. Give him a chance to miss me, regret what an asshole he is."
"It doesn't work like that," Renee replies, but there's a touch of amusement there. "He missed you the minute you walked out the door, I'm sure."
Not likely, Tess wants to grumble, but instead she keeps her eyes on the road ahead.
Renee dials. Tess notes the hands-free set-up on the dashboard, but Renee opts to hold the phone instead, something that she's sure Renee wouldn't do while driving unless Tess were in the car.
"Hey," Renee says, so quickly Tess is sure that the phone couldn't have rang more than once. "Hey, Uncle. It's Renee… yeah, I've got Tess with me." (Here Tess can hear her father's voice raise, unintelligible but notably loud.) "She's fine, just a little upset. I'm going to take her back to my place. I hope it's alright that she stays with me tonight… with the weather like this I don't think there's any point in you making the drive tonight… Uh huh. I know, I know."
"I'm not sorry," Tess pipes up. Renee glances her way but betrays no opinion in doing so.
"She doesn't want to talk right now," Renee continues, more firmly. Here Tess is a little surprised. "I'm not going to put her on. I'll have her call you in the morning, though… I know. I know, Jim… Alright. I'll talk to you in the morning, too… Alright. Goodnight."
She hangs up and sets the phone in its cradle on the dashboard. She doesn't say anything to Tess for a moment, and Tess feels suitably shamed.
"Thanks," she says, a bit lamely.
"It's no trouble," Renee replies.
They're both quiet for a few minutes, and Tess stares out the passenger window, watching the snow fly by them as they turn onto the highway. Renee keeps her eyes straight ahead, but Tess can tell her attention isn't completely on the road.
And then, finally, Renee speaks again.
"So… do I get to know what happened?"
"It was just a fight," Tess replies, somewhat reluctantly.
"That must have been some fight for you to flee the city," Renee remarks. There's an unspoken encouragement to go on, too.
"I don't know, I was just tired of getting bossed around and told what to do when he's barely even here," Tess says, a little hotly. "I don't get why I have to follow all his stupid rules. Why should I? I'm old enough to make my own choices, if I don't want to make my bed I don't get why it's such a big deal to him, why everything is such a big deal to him."
Renee almost smiles. "I'm guessing this is about more than just you making your bed, though."
Tess gives a noise of aggravation.
"This is the real world, not the military, so why the fuck does everything have to be run like I'm in the fucking army?" Tess continues. "I didn't sign up for that, why can't he just lay off a bit? Why does everything have to be run so seriously?"
"That's just how your dad is," Renee replies.
"So?" Tess snaps. "That's not how I am! What does it matter if my room is messy, or I stay out a bit late, or I do things my own way? It's not like it hurts anyone. He says that it's to show we respect ourselves but holy fuck, it's a bedroom, or a party, or whatever, I don't think clothes on my floor means I don't respect myself, or not being home for dinner makes me a troublemaker."
Renee nods.
"I can't say I disagree with that," Renee says. "But maybe it's more about respecting the things you have, taking pride in your room, respecting his rules. It might not always make sense but rules are in place for a reason. I'm sure he has his reasons."
"He's not even home half the time," Tess points out. "Why are his rules the most important when he isn't even here? Why do I have to be home for dinner every night if he's not even there half the time?"
"Have you asked him that?"
"Yes," Tess seethes. "Why do you think I fucking left? He doesn't have a good excuse for anything. He's just on a power trip, and Mom backs him up and Neil doesn't question it, and no one takes my input seriously. So why bother? I'm out. I'll stay with you for a bit."
"And you think I'm reasonable compared to your dad?" Renee asks.
Tess glowers at Renee, feeling a little betrayed already. Renee's supposed to be really reasonable compared to Dad, Renee is supposed to be on her side.
"Yes," Tess says, hotly. "Your life is basically my dream life."
"Okay," Renee replies. "I think I'd agree with your dad on a lot of things, actually, but I can grant I'm a little cooler than him. But I think that's because I live alone and have a 'cool' job and things like that, not because I'd be any more okay with you leaving things a mess or going out at all hours. You're sixteen, Tess, you need some boundaries."
"But no one ever says why it has to be those boundaries," Tess retorts.
"So what boundaries would you want, instead?" Renee asks.
Tess has to pause to think.
"You're changing the subject," she says. "Why do I need any boundaries? Being sixteen doesn't make me stupid or incapable of making my own choices."
"You're right, it doesn't," Renee says. "But everyone has boundaries. What do you think my job is? It's to investigate people who overstep boundaries. They might not be ones like 'everyone has to be back home by dinner time' but they're still boundaries."
"Wanting to be able to go out with my friends after dark is not the same as being a fucking terrorist," Tess argues.
"It's not," Renee agrees. "But your dad isn't home half the time, you said. Neil is away most weekends for basic training. Your mom works a lot. Don't you think that being home for dinner is a way to ensure you guys get to spend time together as a family?"
Tess pauses again.
"If that's his deal, he could just say that," Tess says, finally. "He doesn't have to fucking yell at me."
Renee shakes her head. "You're pretty hot-tempered, Tess, just like he is. You don't exactly wait before snapping at people when you feel disrespected. Why should he wait when you don't? You both have to make an effort."
Tess feels caught between a rock and a hard place. Either she argues that her father is the adult and therefore supposed to be reasonable, casting herself as an unreasonable sixteen year old, or she argues that she has some divine right to unleash her temper that her father doesn't. Either way, it's a failing argument, so Tess settles for making a noise of pure frustration.
Renee chuckles.
"Oh, shut up," Tess grumbles. "Like you were never sixteen."
"Of course I was," Renee replies, almost cheekily. "That's how I know."
---
For all the frustrations involved in the whole "running away" affair, Tess does have to admit it has its payoffs, like getting to spend time with Renee and get treated more or less like an honorary adult. While all of her classmates back in Boston get up at seven to get ready for high school and scramble to catch the bus, Tess is up at seven-thirty and trailing behind Renee as she gets ready for work. Renee lends her a pair of nice dress pants and a button-up blouse, and Tess delights in getting to feel like an adult. They get breakfast on-the-go, raspberry turnovers and breakfast sandwiches and coffee from Starbucks, and take a cab to the FBI's office. In the bright lobby, warm despite the thick snow outside, Tess is in awe of all the important people bustling back and forth, no doubt all responsible for the entire United States' safety. Tess is on a high, even in Renee's office, where she is sat at the desk and permitted to fool around on the internet (albeit not the more fun parts filtered out by the office firewalls) and waste time while Renee is in meetings.
But after the first hour with Renee in meetings, it starts to get boring. Tess decides to see how far her visitor's badge can get her, but to her disappointment, it barely gets her beyond Renee's secretary, and adults everywhere give her looks that make her feel out of place. By the second hour, Tess has exhausted her interest in the lobby and found nothing of interest in the bathroom or the staff lounge. By the third hour, she's bored out of her mind.
Renee comes to her rescue before too long, though.
"Having fun?" she asks, smiling.
"Way better than high school," Tess replies, confidently.
"Good," Renee replies. "Larry is taking us to lunch now, and then you are gonna call your dad. That cool?"
"I'm cool with lunch," Tess says. "Who is Larry?"
"Larry Moss. SAC of our field office."
"What's a SAC?"
"Special Agent in Charge."
"Huh."
"You still have to call your dad, though," Renee replies, taking her winter jacket from the coat closet and pulling it on. Tess does the same, though she makes a face. She decides not to concede, even if she knows she's not going to get out of it.
Off they go to lunch at a little sandwich place down the street, trudging through the snow instead of taking a cab, and Tess is once again feels like an adult. Larry is a little intimidating but altogether rather kind, and encourages Tess to pick whatever she wants, laughing that it's on the FBI's budget. Tess doesn't have much to contribute to conversation, but she tries where she can. Eventually, however, Larry asks why she's hanging out at the FBI's office instead of in school.
"I live in Boston, I'm just visiting Renee," Tess says. It's true, at least.
"Lucky girl," Larry says. "I have a teenage boy in school right now, he's been bugging me to take him to work for a day for years."
"Why haven't you?" Tess asks.
"Security reasons, mostly," Larry replies.
"There's a reason you've spent most of the day in my office," Renee adds. Tess resists the urge to roll her eyes; as if she didn't know that. Renee continues to Larry: "Most of the Walker family is into law enforcement of some sort. I aim to show Tess how boring it is to be an FBI agent."
Larry laughs, and so does Renee, as if their job isn't the hair-raising kind of exciting at least once a week. Tess watches them laugh and share a few quips about it, and then they both turn to the counter to take their sandwiches. When Renee's not facing Larry, however, Tess sees an uncomfortable look pass over her cousin's face, her mouth smiling but her eyes too distant.
Tess meets Renee's eyes with a questioning look, but Renee goes back into conversation without that troubled look.
"You must be getting to the point where you have to pick where you're going for university," Larry says, conversationally. "Are you following the rest of the family?"
"Maybe," Tess says. "I don't want a desk job, though."
"Every job has its paperwork," Larry replies. "And if it doesn't, then you're going to have the worst hours. You remember those years, Renee?"
"Ugh," Renee replies, simply, before tucking into her sandwich.
"You worked hard to get where you are," Larry continues. "We all did. But once you get to where you want to be, you have a chance to do a lot of good work for this country. In this job, we do things that impact everyone. We enforce the law while keeping people safe."
"You're talking in clichés," Renee remarks. "Don't pitch her on this job, Larry. She doesn't want this job."
Sitting in a nice lunch house with an artisan sandwich and wearing one of Renee's nice blouses, Tess could argue that this is exactly what she wants, to be a responsible adult with financial freedom and a nice wardrobe and a respected job, but Tess thinks of Renee's distant look and thinks better of it.
"Why not this job?" she asks, instead.
"Way too much responsibility," Renee says. "For someone who doesn't make curfew, especially."
Tess scowls, and Larry chuckles in a way that bothers Tess. Renee leans back in her seat, as if victorious, her smile still not reaching her eyes.
Tess just busies herself with breaking saltine crackers into her soup, leaving the floor for Larry to start talking about his own son.
----
Back in the office, Tess hangs up her coat again, and then takes Renee's to do the same. Renee adjusts her blazer and then slips off her boots in favour of her office loafers. Tess keeps her boots on but takes care to stomp off the worst of the slush and salt.
"I'll be glad when this winter is over," Renee remarks. "I hate all this snow."
"At least we have snow this year," Tess replies. "I barely got to go skating last year."
"A tragedy," Renee teases. "I could go without for another decade, honestly. It's too bitterly cold"
Tess snorts, and there's a moment of silence as they go back to Renee's office. She watches the back of Renee's head as they walk, caught between admiring how pretty Renee's hair is and wondering about that distant look from earlier. Renee sits down at her desk and pulls the phone base towards her, taking the phone from its cradle.
"Renee?" Tess asks.
"Yeah?" Renee pauses, phone halfway to her ear.
"Before we call dad, can I ask you a question?"
Renee puts the phone back in its cradle and looks up at Tess, who stays standing on the other side of the desk. A silent allowance to proceed.
"Do you wish you had another job?"
Renee pauses thoughtfully and then gives a small nod. "Sometimes." She then adds: "Why?"
"No reason," Tess bluffs. "I was just thinking. You seemed like you didn't think it was a good job to have."
"It's a good job, Tess," Renee's smile is still there, a little sad even though her voice is as calm as ever. "But it took a long time to get here, and I don't know that I'd do it again. There also isn't much room to advance from here, either, and a lot of people burn out in this job."
Tess nods.
"It just seems like a good job," Tess says. "This fancy office and nice clothes, and lunch, and a fancy title. You get to call yourself a Special Agent for the FBI. That's pretty awesome."
"It is," Renee agrees. "But awesome isn't really high on my priorities these days."
Renee starts to dial, and then she holds out the phone towards Tess. Tess takes it, reluctantly, and listens to the phone ring without lifting it to her ear.
"It's important to me," Tess says. "I don't want a boring job."
Or to be a boring person, really.
"Boring seems pretty appealing most days," Renee replies. "Just talk to your dad, alright?"
Tess sighs, lifting the phone to her ear proper just as her father picks up. Renee rises from her seat and slips out, closing the door behind her so Tess can talk in private.
"Hey dad," Tess says, finally.
It's all downhill from there.
---
Jim Walker arrives in Washington, D.C. just before dinner, just in time to intercept Tess and Renee leaving the office. Tess feels a chill run down her spine when she sees his car in the parking lot, and this time she can't blame the cold. Renee puts a hand on her shoulder and says, calmly, "Relax."
Tess still expects to get shouted down.
Surprisingly, she doesn't. When her father meets her part-way at the curb, he says her name sternly but he immediately goes in for a hug. Tess finds herself in a bear-like hug for about five seconds before she hugs him, too, arms around his waist and face buried in the cold leather lapel of his jacket.
"Jesus Christ, kiddo, don't you ever scare me like that again," he says, and when he finally releases her he holds her back to get a good look at her. "Don't you ever pull something like this again. Ever."
Tess drops her eyes and scowls, but she doesn't argue. Internally, she's praying the drive home isn't this awkward. It's bound to be, though, considering Renee won't even be there as buffer.
"I know, Dad," she says. "I'm sorry."
"Jim," Renee says, more in greeting, and Tess loves her for even trying to diffuse the tension. Tess steps aside so her father and Renee can hug, however briefly.
"Thank you so much again," Jim says to Renee, and the relief on his voice is palpable. "I was about ready to call in the National Guard."
"Definitely not necessary when she's in my custody," Renee replies. The joke is weak, but Jim laughs anyway. Tess just keeps scowling.
"No kidding," Jim replies. "You sure she didn't get in the way?"
"Positive," Renee replies. "We had a lot of good conversation when I wasn't boring her to tears."
"Ha ha," Tess interjects, dryly.
Adults.
---
Needless to say, the drive home isn't much better.
Mercifully, most of it goes in silence. They take the odd rest stop for gas or a late-night snack, but eventually they exhaust all the good CDs in the car and the radio gets boring and they have nothing but silence between them.
Tess still feels a little angry, but she feels a lot of embarrassment, too, and it swells with the silence. For being grown-up and mature, she sure did worry a lot of people and run pretty far from her problems.
Still, it hurts to keep apologizing when she feels she's owed one too.
Instead she tries a little conversation on something else.
"Do you like your job?" she asks.
Her father looks to her, almost a little surprised, and then he shrugs.
"It pays the bills. It's a respectable job."
"You're always complaining about how people don't respect soldiers enough, though," Tess points out. "I didn't see Renee do anything but paperwork and go to meetings and she's an FBI agent, the kind they make TV shows about."
Jim shrugs.
"Do you think any soldier wants to see TV shows about their job? That ain't respect, Tess," he replies. "I said respectable, meaning it's good and important. I don't want to be walked on by people who claim to be anti-war but really end up being anti-soldier, sure, but that's a whole different matter than having a respectable job."
"Is Renee's job respectable?" Tess asks.
"That's up to her, I guess," he replies. "I wouldn't do it –– not my kind of rules. I don't believe in sitting behind a desk while people are dying. She might handle terrorists here in America but I handle them at their breeding ground, and it's too late when they're already on American soil. But she still does necessary work, even if I wouldn't do it. She's done a lot for this country."
"More than just paperwork and serving papers and making arrests," Tess says.
"More than that," Jim nods. "You were probably too little to remember when she was doing undercover work, but she still does field work."
"Was that when she was away for like two years?"
"Sixteen months," he corrects her.
"Whatever. I was like thirteen. I remember that, thanks, it was only three years ago," Tess replies, a little more snippy.
Jim shakes his head. "Sorry, Tess," he says. "But you know what I mean."
Tess doesn't think she does, but like hell she's going to admit it.
"It sucked when she went away," Tess says, leaning against the window to watch the painted lines on the pavement zip by. "At least you're only gone for six months, maybe a year at most. Sixteen months blew, she's my favourite cousin."
Jim is quiet for a moment, and then he says, "Being away from family and friends is probably why she left it, Tess."
Tess looks at her father with a scowl.
"You don't, though."
Jim breathes a long sigh, a little frustrated.
"It pays the bills," he repeats.
Tess looks back to the window.
"Someday, kiddo," her father says, "you'll be giving things up for your family, too. You're gonna do a lot of things you don't want to do. That's what being an adult is like, unless you're alone."
"Renee seems fine," Tess says, coolly.
"Renee makes a ton of sacrifices," he replies, pointedly. "I know you hate hearing this, but you're going to understand that someday. Especially in a family like ours –– we're always on the front lines. You enlist like your brother has, or go into police foundations or something like that like Renee, you make sacrifices. Someday you'll get that."
Tess doesn't bother replying. Instead she stares out the window, the road disappearing behind them and the snowy fields and trees coasting by, and she thinks about what she could possibly sacrifice as an adult. She wonders when it'll happen, if not at eighteen or twenty-one, when she actually gets to be an adult and how much freedom she'll have from the boundaries she's trapped by now.
Fuck adults, waxing poetic about the struggles of adulthood as if they'd never been teenagers, trapped under adults' thumbs.
"Tess?" her father says.
"Yeah?" Tess replies, under her breath, attention still on the world beyond the car window. She can see some of his reflection in the glass, though, looking at her. His eyes seem a little sad, just like Renee's, but maybe that's just her imagination.
"Don't grow up too fast," he says. "I know it sounds like a cliché, but teenagers have a hell of a lot more fun, even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes."
Tess gives a huff.
Sure.