Well, we're not talking about you, we're talking about Joel.
[And her, for once, though she does not like being dragged into the deep end of this topic. It's happened so many times lately, this nonsense where she tries to talk about how she feels about something and it turns into this fucked up game where she has to prove she's justified in having feelings about her own problems. It drives her insane.]
I can't lay out ten years of a relationship just like that.
He's a family man, an honest part of his community. He has a house where he hangs up pictures. He couldn't be honest with me but he can go and be a father? Something's fucked up about that.
[Pagan's quiet. Thoughtful, which isn't really like him at all. He stands up, deciding that he definitely needs another drink after this, and pours a bit more into his glass.]
How long has it been? People change after shit like that happens, Tess.
[He turns around, raising his glass as he speaks.] You're not mad that he changed, you're just mad that you were with him for ten years and nothing you did could make him into that guy. Am I close?
And don't give me a fucking lecture. Just remember, you asked. Now...Because of Ishwari and her goddamn bleeding heart, I once sponsored an entire class of wide-eyed kids to study medicine in Singapore. With my own money! Pulled lots of strings, you know. Went out on a limb for them. It was supposed to be a great thing. They would study there and return. And healthcare would flourish around the country. They could, in turn, teach others.
Those fuckers never came back! The absolute ingratitude. Now, my heart was broken. I had put so much of myself into them. Well, in my broken hearted state, I made sure that Paul dealt with their families in Kyrat and I, well, I had my contacts in Singapore find a fitting end for the rest of them.
They were the best and the brightest. No use letting them use those talents elsewhere.
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[And her, for once, though she does not like being dragged into the deep end of this topic. It's happened so many times lately, this nonsense where she tries to talk about how she feels about something and it turns into this fucked up game where she has to prove she's justified in having feelings about her own problems. It drives her insane.]
I can't lay out ten years of a relationship just like that.
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Well, give me the highlights, then.
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Men like Joel never say you matter to them. It was ten years of reading between the lines.
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[He doesn't exactly have a high opinion of him at the moment, though eh doubts that it matters.]
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So what's he like now? I mean, after you?
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[She shakes her head.]
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How long has it been? People change after shit like that happens, Tess.
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[Why not for her? Or rather...]
It's that he couldn't do that for me when I was alive. I had to die for him to make an effort.
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[He turns around, raising his glass as he speaks.] You're not mad that he changed, you're just mad that you were with him for ten years and nothing you did could make him into that guy. Am I close?
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I'm just glad I'll probably never see him again. He moved on. It's better if I do too.
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Oh sure. Yeah. Move the fuck on, Tess. Like it's so easy. You really think you're gonna do that?
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Everyone fucking does, Tess. 'Oh, just move on.' Oh, it's been years. You should move on. Do something else. Don't dwell. Don't think about it.
It's bullshit. That's all.
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Have you never moved on from someone before?
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You're a smart woman. You can figure that out on your own.
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I don't think I'd survive back home if I was that fixated, and I am extremely petty sometimes.
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Eh, everyone here is so focused on talking about feelings sometimes. But being petty feels good sometimes.
Mm, speaking of petty, have I ever told you about the fucking assholes I sent to Singapore once?
[Giving her an out...]
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Nope. Let's hear it.
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And don't give me a fucking lecture. Just remember, you asked. Now...Because of Ishwari and her goddamn bleeding heart, I once sponsored an entire class of wide-eyed kids to study medicine in Singapore. With my own money! Pulled lots of strings, you know. Went out on a limb for them. It was supposed to be a great thing. They would study there and return. And healthcare would flourish around the country. They could, in turn, teach others.
Those fuckers never came back! The absolute ingratitude. Now, my heart was broken. I had put so much of myself into them. Well, in my broken hearted state, I made sure that Paul dealt with their families in Kyrat and I, well, I had my contacts in Singapore find a fitting end for the rest of them.
They were the best and the brightest. No use letting them use those talents elsewhere.