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[dog_eat_dog]

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[tucky]

I didn't mean it like that. Just-- we've had a lot of them here. Mostly they're really nice, and they care about helping people and want to do good, but they're used to everybody thinking they're right and good and justified, all the time, and they never question their own shit.

[She bites down on another huff.]

I think that's a whole lot more dangerous than hanging out in sleazy bars.

[dog_eat_dog]

[Tess nods. Fair.]

Sounds 'bout right. And agreed. His whole fucking beef with me is based on absolutely no knowledge of what I'm doing. It's just shitty assumptions. He's a cop, I'm a criminal, end of story.

[She feels a small flare of frustration.]

Arthur and I were figuring so much shit out and now it's all fucked up because Yunlan thinks he knows better.

[tucky]

Yeah, well. I'll tell you what I told him. I wasn't there so I don't really know shit, and I've tried to fuck up Callisto before when we were fighting. But.

[The rest of that sentence - but fuck his bullshit - hangs in the air unspoken. So maybe she is a hypocrite, or someone who judges certain types of wardens too quickly sometimes. But regardless, Tess's side is the one that feels familiar and Yunlan's is the one that gets her hackles up, and she knows which side she's picking.]

Can you talk to Arthur? Zhao didn't, like, go behind your back and lie or something, did he?

[That, at least, doesn't sound like him.]

[dog_eat_dog]

[She once thought it was a little insane to throw herself in harm's way just to learn to fight on Callisto's level, but a part of her has to respect it. That's a lot of effort to go through for someone who doesn't even seem completely present. It's a real commitment to a partnership.

Tess shakes her head slowly.]

We talked, and they talked, and now we're not talking, so.

[That stings bad.]

[tucky]

Can you-- talk again? Can you reach out? Or do you not wanna do that.

[dog_eat_dog]

[Is there a way to say "it's not worth pushing men because they'll kick you right out" that doesn't sound completely pathetic? No.]

Eventually. He just needs time to cool off. I need a peace offering. Something like that.

[tucky]

Well, what does he like? Cowboy shit?

[dog_eat_dog]

[That gets a little huff of a laugh.]

Cowboy shit. Horseback riding and hunting and campfires and the outdoors. I go with him sometimes. He likes movie night, too, and desserts. He likes to draw. He's pretty good, actually.

[tucky]

Are you good at it? You could draw him something.

[dog_eat_dog]

Oh, god no, I'm not. It's a nice though, but... I don't know. I'll have something ready when he's cooled off.

[tucky]

Mm.

[A pause.]

I don't know him too well, but-- he's your warden, not Zhao's. That means a hell of a lot, and he don't seem like the type to forget that. No matter what happens, I don't think he's gonna abandon you.

[dog_eat_dog]

[If the situation were reversed, she might just abandon him. Someone who can’t get their shit together would be a risk. Then again, there’s a million reasons she’s the inmate here.]

I don’t think so either, I just hate not having much to offer other than my word it’s not going to happen again... and that shit isn’t always in my control.

[tucky]

Which part, the arm or the other shit?

[dog_eat_dog]

All of it. The hell am I supposed to do about a warden that’s out to push my fucking buttons? Just take it? Run crying to Arthur? He can’t handle everything for me.

[tucky]

And you don't think he'd understand that? You ain't said anything unreasonable, and he seems like a reasonable guy.

[dog_eat_dog]

He’s reasonable, but going to him to tell him I’d fucked up wasn’t enough. He wanted me to go to him before I fucked up, but it wasn’t that serious at the time. I just wanted my shit back, and I’m not going to ask if I can right that myself.

[tucky]

Everybody fucks up, though. Like, okay, maybe you should've talked to Zhao first before breaking in, if you didn't, or maybe you shouldn't've thrown stuff at him, but it sounds like there's a lot of shit Zhao fucked up on, too.

[A pointed look at Tess's arm.]

I'd be real nice if we could all see into the future and could say, hey, this thing I'm planning is gonna go way worse than I expect it to, but that ain't the real world. People aren't perfect, and going to him after to tell him you fucked up is a lot more than a lot of people would do.

[dog_eat_dog]

Talking to him wasn’t an option, he’s patronizing as shit. It’s not like I didn’t give him a warning, either. I dumped a fishtank on him. He made it a fight.

[A sigh.]

I know how this sounds, but six months ago I would have put a bullet in his skull without a second thought. I am being extremely fuckin’ restrained, and it doesn’t feel like it counts for shit.

[tucky]

[Dumping a fishtank on him sure sounds like making it a fight to Tiffany - but she'd promised Yunlan that she wasn't going to lecture him, and so Tess is going to get the same courtesy.]

Arthur know that? Or is he the type of person who'd hear the bullet thing and freak out?

[dog_eat_dog]

He lets me carry a gun. He’d take it back if he thought I’d use it to get even.

[She’s not sure if he does know or just trusts her. If she clarified, he might not trust her.]

[tucky]

But if he said what you just said to me, would he get that that's restraint and like-- an improvement, or would he be like "I don't care, that's not good enough"?

[dog_eat_dog]

I don’t know. He was so pissed off I figured I was going to get yelled at no matter what I said.

[tucky]

That really sucks, Tess; I'm sorry.

[Another pause.]

Pairings are what I believe in more than anything here. From the way you talk about him, I can't see you not coming out okay.

[Tess clearly has a good deal of respect and affection for him - trust, even - and Tiffany can't imagine those feelings would have come about if he hadn't extended the same on all counts.]

[dog_eat_dog]

Yeah. I hope so. I think we would have been close even if we didn't get paired, and when things are steady, it's great, I've never had someone like that in my life before. And...

[A vague gesture. Too personal. Shut it down.]

But no matter what works about pairings, he has still important shit to get to at home. I'm fucking it up for him.

[tucky]

If he actually thinks of it like that--

[She cuts herself off before she actually says "then he's a fucking asshole", but the way her face twists likely makes the sentiment clear.]

I got a lot of complicated feelings about deals, but no matter how important his is, your life is yours first. That matters more than getting him a prize or making sure he gets home quick.