Tess peers through the keyhole to see who it is and takes a moment to grab a hoodie and pull it on over her tank top, hiding the scarred mess of her shoulder. She's spent much of her time over the past year hiding it, but now it feels even more prudent.
"Hey," she says, opening the door.
She smiles, but she looks plenty tired anyway; she bounces back slow these days.
Steve isn't quite sure what he's expecting, but he looks a little startled for a second, even if he tamps down on it quickly, offers her a tentative smile back.
"Hey. I - uh. I wanted to check on you. I know I don't really have any business being in your business, but - "
He'd still kind of needed to do it. Which feels a little selfish now, which is why he digs in a pocket and produces a pair of wrapped chocolate bars. Hopefully she likes chocolate. "I figured some extra calories might not go too terribly amiss."
She almost hesitates to take the chocolate. It's one thing to plaster on a smile, but she's never been particularly gracious about gifts. It always feels transactional, and it tips the scales even further in his direction –– it has her wondering what she'll owe him for it later, on top of him stopping her rampage.
But she takes it.
"Thanks," she replies, leaning her good shoulder against the doorframe. "Arthur's been bringing by food but yeah, never hurts. You alright? That shit is always rough on first contact."
He certainly doesn't mean it that way, but hopefully his actions will prove that. Steve's just bad at showing up where he's not sure whether he'll be welcome without an excuse.
He huffs something almost like a laugh, staying put and trying not to crowd her. "Feels like that should be my line," he admits. "I'm good. I've dealt with... not exactly that. But I've dealt with other things. Doesn't seem like it could've been any better from the inside."
He won't ask outright, knows she doesn't owe him anything, and maybe won't want to admit if it was bad. He wouldn't. "I'm glad you've got people to take care of you. Have you - uh. Have you talked to Ellie?"
How it spreads through bites, how she's immune. How she wants to use her deal to put an end to it.
"I - sorry," he finally adds, after a beat. "If you would've preferred to be put down. First thing. I didn't know if that's what you would have wanted. We didn't know what was going on."
He won't throw Ellie under the bus, necessarily, for telling him to put Tess in Zero. He'd agreed with that call, because they really hadn't known what was going on. But clearly, other people hadn't thought it was the right thing to do, and Tess hadn't been able to say, at the time.
"Don't worry about it," she replies, though her jaw sets a little; dying earlier would have spared her some nightmares, and spared Arthur some misery. She suspects she'll be treading lightly around him for a week or two because of it, digging up all her old apologetic gestures and presenting them to him like an embarrassed dog. Sorry you had to kill me. It is what it is and she knows it. She gives Steve the out: "You got lucky it didn't get further. Infection spreads because people don't want to kill a thing that looks mostly human. They think maybe it'll go away, they want to know what's going on first... and usually that means things get out of hand. It's just what people do."
She pauses, turning the candy bar over between her fingers idly.
So I've heard he kind of wants to say, but - she's the one who went through it. She deserves to say I told you so, if anyone does.
"I don't even know if I can get infected," he points out, but that's neither here nor there. His blood does have healing properties, but he doubts anyone wants to test it on something like this. Maybe if he can just get his shit together, it won't ever matter again, for her world. But, "I'll kill you next time, if that's what you want," he says, and he means it. "But I would prefer it to be what you want. Not what you think other people should want for you."
Although, "I hope there's not a next time. But the Barge is - " He sort of waves a hand. She knows. If it happened once, it can happen again.
"Who do you think is pressuring me into preferring to be dead?" she asks.
It is, bizarrely enough, one of the rare times anyone on the barge has ever acted like she's the victim rather than a responsible party in something, and the idea catches her by surprise.
"I don't - that's not quite what I meant, just - "
Steve pauses, trying to think of the right way to put it. He doesn't want to put it wrong. But he does think she deserves a say. That life-and-death decisions should still be considered with weight. Even in a place like this, where so many people don't think they matter.
"I just think that you should get a choice. In situations like that." After all, "Inmates don't get to choose shit around here. A person should get to choose that, at least."
Maybe she would've chosen for him to snap her neck right away. But maybe she would've wanted to be put in a cell and wait it out without hurting anyone else. No one had been able to ask her. But that doesn't make what she wanted irrelevant.
"I understand," Steve says softly. He does, even if his context is completely different.
"So I am sorry. For making you suffer so long."
He offers her a smile that's tight, but not condescending. He really is sorry.
"I, uh. Won't overstay my welcome. But if you need anything." He chucks a thumb toward his door, even though he knows she must know he's her neighbor. "Whether it's tomorrow or six years from now - although I guess I kinda hope you've made it out before then," he adds, with a self-conscious laugh.
"I sure hope I'm not here," she replies. The very idea is vile –– a failure on her own part, and a failure with consequences for Arthur, as well as her own future. "What about you? Ellie's got something big riding on you."
"Most people aren't," Steve offers helpfully - and then tries not to wince, because, "Yeah. I know."
He jams his hands into his pockets. "She's my fourth permanent warden, though. So nobody should hold it against her if she gets sent back. Or decides to go."
He still wishes she would; and knows she won't. Not yet, anyway.
"She's a good warden, though." That seems worth pointing out, especially to Tess.
"If she decides to leave, I will personally drag her back here," Tess replies, and though she sounds very serious about it, there a protectiveness too; Ellie is too socially crippled to stay here for too long, but she's too wounded by their world to go back there. Not like this. So inmate or warden, Tess will find a way.
As long as Joel is waiting for her, though, Tess guesses Ellie has no intention of taking off.
"Why's it taking so long with you? There's assholes flying out of his place undeserved left, right and center. You seem decent enough."
"If she decides to leave, I will see her to the door," Steve counters quietly; it's not really a threat, because this is all a hypothetical argument, anyway. But this place is awful. If Ellie needs to go, he is okay with that. "What she needs is on me to deliver. Not her."
At the rest of it, though, he kind of... lets out a small, surprised laugh like he hadn't really meant to, but she's not wrong, maybe. Then again, it's not on him to judge the caliber of the type of person this place lets go. "I dunno. Guess I've just got a real special lesson to learn, and I'm not a smart guy."
He frankly has no clue what the fuck he's supposed to learn, and doesn't really care. But Ellie's got that stupid big thing riding on him, nonetheless.
"I guess it'd be pretty self-centered to say it might be personal, anyway."
"Not true," she disagrees on the counter; she moves to shake her head but doesn't, stopped by a flicker of discomfort. Her point: "Wardens shouldn't get deals for standing around and supervising. She has work to do here. Stuff she should be pushing you on."
But god knows she'd be here for an eternity if Arthur didn't draw lines on her shit.
"I guess if it is personal, you should know what to work on. Tell Ellie to dig in there."
She has a point; the system is unbalanced and always will be, if it stays the same. But for some wardens, it's a bit more balanced than others. "I don't doubt that she means to work for it," Steve can agree, softly.
"I meant more personal as in, between me and the Admiral," he adds. "But I guess it'd be a starting point, all the same. I just don't want to see her get hurt over trying to help me." Not when she had a way out. Has a way out, even if she won't take it. "But that's out of my hands, too." Ellie's going to do what Ellie's going to do. He knows that.
"You really don't think there's any other way to stop what's happening? The outbreak, I mean."
"It's been twenty-five years," Tess replies. For Ellie, anyway, and still nothing. "Population's a fraction of what it was. Most people can't figure out how to have reliable power, there's no one making anything. We can't figure out how to make new fabric for clothes, we can't figure out how to grow certain crops anymore. No one's going to figure out a vaccine or a cure."
Steve nods a little at the description, not looking happy about it, but who would?
"Some," he says. "A little about herself." That she's immune - that it had kind of made a mess of things. That it wasn't an answer. "But not everything. We haven't talked about it a whole lot."
Only by necessity, with Tess. Or when it's happened to come up, otherwise.
"But one person's experience can't describe a whole world, anyway," he concedes.
Tess frowns. One person's experience couldn't describe the whole world when she was a teenager, she's sure, but the world was more complicated then. Taxes, international trade, war, media, government. Who can't describe a world crippled, stripped of anything resembling hope? Some distant, unconnected community in rural wherever? People who never knew how connected the world was in the first place?
She shakes her head.
"Ellie," Tess says, exasperated. "She's a smart, funny kid, but she buries shit. Everyone does but it's not cute or helpful. Jesus. Do you know who I am to her? Do you know just how bad things are at home?"
Steve shakes his head; "She just said you were from the same place, mostly." And he hadn't asked for details. It's not his place to pry.
And as for maybe the more important question, "The way you ask that just clinches the fact that I probably don't, no." He's got the basics. He's got an imagination. But he can also imagine those probably fall far, far short. "But I do understand there's a lot at stake." That she has a lot riding on him, even if he wishes she didn't.
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"Hey," she says, opening the door.
She smiles, but she looks plenty tired anyway; she bounces back slow these days.
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"Hey. I - uh. I wanted to check on you. I know I don't really have any business being in your business, but - "
He'd still kind of needed to do it. Which feels a little selfish now, which is why he digs in a pocket and produces a pair of wrapped chocolate bars. Hopefully she likes chocolate. "I figured some extra calories might not go too terribly amiss."
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But she takes it.
"Thanks," she replies, leaning her good shoulder against the doorframe. "Arthur's been bringing by food but yeah, never hurts. You alright? That shit is always rough on first contact."
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He huffs something almost like a laugh, staying put and trying not to crowd her. "Feels like that should be my line," he admits. "I'm good. I've dealt with... not exactly that. But I've dealt with other things. Doesn't seem like it could've been any better from the inside."
He won't ask outright, knows she doesn't owe him anything, and maybe won't want to admit if it was bad. He wouldn't. "I'm glad you've got people to take care of you. Have you - uh. Have you talked to Ellie?"
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"Yeah, I've talked with her," she replies. "She explain any of this to you? The infection, and all?"
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How it spreads through bites, how she's immune. How she wants to use her deal to put an end to it.
"I - sorry," he finally adds, after a beat. "If you would've preferred to be put down. First thing. I didn't know if that's what you would have wanted. We didn't know what was going on."
He won't throw Ellie under the bus, necessarily, for telling him to put Tess in Zero. He'd agreed with that call, because they really hadn't known what was going on. But clearly, other people hadn't thought it was the right thing to do, and Tess hadn't been able to say, at the time.
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She pauses, turning the candy bar over between her fingers idly.
"We all got very lucky."
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"I don't even know if I can get infected," he points out, but that's neither here nor there. His blood does have healing properties, but he doubts anyone wants to test it on something like this. Maybe if he can just get his shit together, it won't ever matter again, for her world. But, "I'll kill you next time, if that's what you want," he says, and he means it. "But I would prefer it to be what you want. Not what you think other people should want for you."
Although, "I hope there's not a next time. But the Barge is - " He sort of waves a hand. She knows. If it happened once, it can happen again.
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"Who do you think is pressuring me into preferring to be dead?" she asks.
It is, bizarrely enough, one of the rare times anyone on the barge has ever acted like she's the victim rather than a responsible party in something, and the idea catches her by surprise.
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Steve pauses, trying to think of the right way to put it. He doesn't want to put it wrong. But he does think she deserves a say. That life-and-death decisions should still be considered with weight. Even in a place like this, where so many people don't think they matter.
"I just think that you should get a choice. In situations like that." After all, "Inmates don't get to choose shit around here. A person should get to choose that, at least."
Maybe she would've chosen for him to snap her neck right away. But maybe she would've wanted to be put in a cell and wait it out without hurting anyone else. No one had been able to ask her. But that doesn't make what she wanted irrelevant.
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"So I am sorry. For making you suffer so long."
He offers her a smile that's tight, but not condescending. He really is sorry.
"I, uh. Won't overstay my welcome. But if you need anything." He chucks a thumb toward his door, even though he knows she must know he's her neighbor. "Whether it's tomorrow or six years from now - although I guess I kinda hope you've made it out before then," he adds, with a self-conscious laugh.
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"I sure hope I'm not here," she replies. The very idea is vile –– a failure on her own part, and a failure with consequences for Arthur, as well as her own future. "What about you? Ellie's got something big riding on you."
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He jams his hands into his pockets. "She's my fourth permanent warden, though. So nobody should hold it against her if she gets sent back. Or decides to go."
He still wishes she would; and knows she won't. Not yet, anyway.
"She's a good warden, though." That seems worth pointing out, especially to Tess.
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As long as Joel is waiting for her, though, Tess guesses Ellie has no intention of taking off.
"Why's it taking so long with you? There's assholes flying out of his place undeserved left, right and center. You seem decent enough."
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At the rest of it, though, he kind of... lets out a small, surprised laugh like he hadn't really meant to, but she's not wrong, maybe. Then again, it's not on him to judge the caliber of the type of person this place lets go. "I dunno. Guess I've just got a real special lesson to learn, and I'm not a smart guy."
He frankly has no clue what the fuck he's supposed to learn, and doesn't really care. But Ellie's got that stupid big thing riding on him, nonetheless.
"I guess it'd be pretty self-centered to say it might be personal, anyway."
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But god knows she'd be here for an eternity if Arthur didn't draw lines on her shit.
"I guess if it is personal, you should know what to work on. Tell Ellie to dig in there."
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"I meant more personal as in, between me and the Admiral," he adds. "But I guess it'd be a starting point, all the same. I just don't want to see her get hurt over trying to help me." Not when she had a way out. Has a way out, even if she won't take it. "But that's out of my hands, too." Ellie's going to do what Ellie's going to do. He knows that.
"You really don't think there's any other way to stop what's happening? The outbreak, I mean."
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A pause.
"How much has she told you?"
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"Some," he says. "A little about herself." That she's immune - that it had kind of made a mess of things. That it wasn't an answer. "But not everything. We haven't talked about it a whole lot."
Only by necessity, with Tess. Or when it's happened to come up, otherwise.
"But one person's experience can't describe a whole world, anyway," he concedes.
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She shakes her head.
"Ellie," Tess says, exasperated. "She's a smart, funny kid, but she buries shit. Everyone does but it's not cute or helpful. Jesus. Do you know who I am to her? Do you know just how bad things are at home?"
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And as for maybe the more important question, "The way you ask that just clinches the fact that I probably don't, no." He's got the basics. He's got an imagination. But he can also imagine those probably fall far, far short. "But I do understand there's a lot at stake." That she has a lot riding on him, even if he wishes she didn't.