[He lets her. Not because he understands her, completely, but because she's angry and she knows what she needs to work through that. He's happy enough to just walk behind her the short distance they have left.]
Alright. You want me to come along, or is this all you need?
[ Tess heads on in, going right to the console to plug in what she needs. Boston in 2033, of course, specifically the little street that goes into Joel's apartment complex. The building itself is old, early 1900s brick with ramshackle modernizations, including a tall security gate blocking it off. Opposite them are shopfronts, all closed off with metal sliding doors save for the ration distribution line, which is busy as usual and surrounded by heavily armed guards, and a long way down the street, past a military checkpoint and the great concrete border wall, there's the city skyline, with some of the huge skyscrapers leant over against each other. Tess pays none of that any attention, continuing to enter things: a sledgehammer, a jerrycan, a lighter, a set of keys.
She pockets the smaller items and stoops to pick up the jerrycan, and she reaches out to pass the sledgehammer to Arthur.]
[The sight of the city makes him shiver, barely repressed. He won't say a word, because this isn't about his own discomfort, and besides- this is useful, likely. Knowing where she's from.
Fuck.]
Yes, ma'am.
[He picks up the sledgehammer and slings it over his shoulder. He isn't stupid, he can get an idea abotu what she's going to do.]
[She flashes him a rueful little smile and unlocks the gate and heads in. There's a short alleyway into the complex, the walls plastered with signs for curfew, 6PM-6AM, warnings for authorization of lethal force, and wanted posters for various people. Tess heads right for the door of the nearest building and lets them into that too. The front lobby is tiny and cramped, and the security desk is unoccupied. Tess heads up the stairs; they creak with age, and the paint on the walls peels off in long ribbons.]
I used to live here too, but the apartment faces East so the sun would just beam in when you're trying to sleep in. Fucking merciless.
Yup. The building was built closer to your time than mine, and it was probably in pretty rough shape even when I was a kid.
[ Joel's apartment is at the end of the hall on the second floor, and Tess unlocks it and let them in. The apartment is dim, the windows spattered with spray paint to cut the light, and it does little to obscure the water stained ceilings and beat-up furniture. The plaster of one wall is falling away entirely. The kitchen is barren, and the back wall is lined with boxes and storage bins.
[She takes it from him, and she walks across the room with it. Anger roils in her belly, strong enough that she almost feels nauseous, but she’s here and she decided to do this, so she’s gonna do it. She’s locked in.
She knows exactly what she came here for.
She slips into the bedroom and opens the closet, and she grabs the old guitar by the neck and lifts it out. She brings it back and drops it on the floor in the main room. It lands with a hollow thunk. It’s already seen better days and it has no strings left. Tess spaces her hands out on the sledgehammer and lines up a swing and brings it down right on the body like an executioner; it collapses with a loud crack.
It’s not even half as satisfying as she hoped. It just leaves her feeling more agitated than before.]
[Tess just stands there a minute, her grip on the sledgehammer iron-tight and her jaw set and her heart hammering. She just feels mad about it, robbed of her time and robbed of being able to take it out on who deserves it most and robbed of even being able to feel satisfied over it.
She just kicks the wreckage of the guitar across the room. Mutters: ]
[She moves towards him like she might push him, but there's no sense in that when he's up against the counter already, so she just crowds him, fuming.]
How the fuck am I supposed to change, huh? I died for a kid I don't know and a man who moved on from me like I was nothing, and then they went on to be a happy little family until he got his skull caved in by some other survivor.
Every single person in my world is competition. I don't get to live any other way.
[He doesn't move a muscle when she crowds him. He accepts that he's said something hard, maybe even a little cruel. She can get into his face about it. As long as she gets that damn anger out somehow.]
That ain't what I meant. I'm talking reckless, Tess. You're letting grief and anger do the talkin', and you can let 'em. Just don't keep 'em.
[Tess doesn't shout, exactly, but her voice lifts, heated, right in his face:]
What the fuck do you want me to do? Scream? Cry? I'm sick of it. All I've ever gotten to keep is anger and grief, so I'm going to burn the last ten years. Fuck Joel. He didn't waste a minute on me, and I've wasted enough on him.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Alright. You want me to come along, or is this all you need?
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Stay, go, I don't care. I'm going to Boston to trash his apartment and you hate cities, so.
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[Yeah, not hearing a 'no' was enough invitation for him. He opens the door with his warden item, then nods at her. Go on. Show him the ropes.]
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[ Tess heads on in, going right to the console to plug in what she needs. Boston in 2033, of course, specifically the little street that goes into Joel's apartment complex. The building itself is old, early 1900s brick with ramshackle modernizations, including a tall security gate blocking it off. Opposite them are shopfronts, all closed off with metal sliding doors save for the ration distribution line, which is busy as usual and surrounded by heavily armed guards, and a long way down the street, past a military checkpoint and the great concrete border wall, there's the city skyline, with some of the huge skyscrapers leant over against each other. Tess pays none of that any attention, continuing to enter things: a sledgehammer, a jerrycan, a lighter, a set of keys.
She pockets the smaller items and stoops to pick up the jerrycan, and she reaches out to pass the sledgehammer to Arthur.]
Be a dear and carry this.
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Fuck.]
Yes, ma'am.
[He picks up the sledgehammer and slings it over his shoulder. He isn't stupid, he can get an idea abotu what she's going to do.]
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I used to live here too, but the apartment faces East so the sun would just beam in when you're trying to sleep in. Fucking merciless.
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All buildings look like this?
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[ Joel's apartment is at the end of the hall on the second floor, and Tess unlocks it and let them in. The apartment is dim, the windows spattered with spray paint to cut the light, and it does little to obscure the water stained ceilings and beat-up furniture. The plaster of one wall is falling away entirely. The kitchen is barren, and the back wall is lined with boxes and storage bins.
She sets the jerrycan onto the table.]
I hated this place anyway.
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[He swings the sledgehammer away from his shoulder, and holds it out for her.]
Assume that's where you wanna start.
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[She takes it from him, and she walks across the room with it. Anger roils in her belly, strong enough that she almost feels nauseous, but she’s here and she decided to do this, so she’s gonna do it. She’s locked in.
She knows exactly what she came here for.
She slips into the bedroom and opens the closet, and she grabs the old guitar by the neck and lifts it out. She brings it back and drops it on the floor in the main room. It lands with a hollow thunk. It’s already seen better days and it has no strings left. Tess spaces her hands out on the sledgehammer and lines up a swing and brings it down right on the body like an executioner; it collapses with a loud crack.
It’s not even half as satisfying as she hoped. It just leaves her feeling more agitated than before.]
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No comment. He can see that didn't satisfy her; there's no need for him to talk about it.]
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She just kicks the wreckage of the guitar across the room. Mutters: ]
Fuck.
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That his?
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[She heaves a frustrated sigh.]
Was. And none of this is fucking real, anyway.
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What would he care, anyway? He made a whole new fucking life with the kid. He never came back here.
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Yeah. Doesn’t matter though. He’s dead. Dead to me, too.
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I was supposed to be dead and never find out about any of this shit!
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I ran like that for years, Tess. I ran like that even more before I came here. You think you can do anythin', because you're just gonna die soon.
[He shakes his head, a light grimace on his face.]
But you know you can't live like that, now. You can have your anger, but you gotta change that as much as I do.
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How the fuck am I supposed to change, huh? I died for a kid I don't know and a man who moved on from me like I was nothing, and then they went on to be a happy little family until he got his skull caved in by some other survivor.
Every single person in my world is competition. I don't get to live any other way.
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That ain't what I meant. I'm talking reckless, Tess. You're letting grief and anger do the talkin', and you can let 'em. Just don't keep 'em.
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What the fuck do you want me to do? Scream? Cry? I'm sick of it. All I've ever gotten to keep is anger and grief, so I'm going to burn the last ten years. Fuck Joel. He didn't waste a minute on me, and I've wasted enough on him.
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But I don't think you're bein' honest about why you want to break his guitar.
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