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[dog_eat_dog]

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[dog_eat_dog]

[She sighs, but it's resigned. She gestures at the other chair.]

Sit down, Pagan.

[Don't worry, it's rickety, but it's not going to collapse under you.]

[crab_rangoon]

[He's skeptical, but he brings his glass along with him, slipping out of his jacket and sitting in the chair.]

What's this about?

[dog_eat_dog]

Nothing, you're just making me fucking squirrelly standing up like that.

[Genuinely:]

Trust me when I say I give a shit. I might not be the coziest person around, but I've spent a lot of time looking out for you. And from day one, you and I have had this war stories, who's the bigger bad-ass schtick going, so sorry if I didn't think you wanted me to hold your hand and mince words, alright?

[crab_rangoon]

[He hides his surprise behind another drink.]

I don't want you to hold my fucking hand. But maybe a little less stick and more carrot next time, huh?

[He stares at the dilapidated floor, eyes narrowed as he thinks.]

You were fucking right, though. Which, fuck you for making that a sentence I had to say. I was spinning my wheels for no good goddamn reason. So I've fixed it.

[dog_eat_dog]

[Tess thinks about how many stories she’s heard about his life and how little he’s heard of hers — it’s almost what she intended, staring over in a place where no one knew her old life, but she’s not sure she envisioned this moment where he’s right about her and completely wrong. Oh well, she thinks. Sold an image of herself as cold and got what she was asking for.

She just gives a bare smile.]

I’m glad to hear it. What’s the game plan?

[She resists the urge to point out that the stick worked anyway.]

[crab_rangoon]

[He's more relaxed than he was, finally finding his footing around her. It was slow going for a while, but all he needed was to hear it and he could allow himself to let go a bit. At least now he knows where the words come from.]

Ah, I apologized to Misty for one thing. Cut things clean with Steve. Now I don't fucking know. That's a lot for a few weeks, thank you very much. Maybe I'll just spend the rest of the month perpetually drunk and avoiding the mistletoe.

I haven't ever really done Christmas, so this shit just seems excessive.

[dog_eat_dog]

Yeah, that’s a lot for people like us. Good, though. [Coming from the person who can’t stop thinking of how to make things right with her own warden. Trust is fickle.]

I’ve yet to have a mistletoe incident and I hope to keep it that way.

[crab_rangoon]

[An automatic, paranoid glance upwards.]

You really going to tempt fate like that? Jesus Christ. [He takes another small drink.]

Mm, you know. I never did ask how your party went. Did you wear the dress? [He leans forward.] Did you fucking kill it?

[dog_eat_dog]

[ A wry look. Fate? Really? ]

It went great. Lots of compliments, had a lot of fun. Might find more excuses to dress up, where I can, so thanks for that.

[crab_rangoon]

[He shoots her one back. Let him have his fun.]

You're welcome. Nice to know my hard work is appreciated.

[He pauses there, just for a brief moment, smirk turning a little more playful.]

Speaking of that, I'm offended you don't think I'm rugged enough for you. That hurts. When I do so much for you.

[dog_eat_dog]

[She chuckles. Of all the things for Steve to repeat...]

You want to be rugged? You go change into a plaid button-up and Wranglers, go camping for a week, grow out a beard. Then come back and reno this cabin for me, yeah?

[crab_rangoon]

[He groans.]

This face was not meant for a beard. And Wranglers? Tess. You want me to wear denim?

I've told you about Ajay and his denim and zippered jackets. You might have liked him. Bit young for you, though. He's also more of the hot headed revolutionary sort.

Actually...[He takes out his phone from home, with all his pictures still on it, and scrolls to his selfie with Ajay at their ill-fated reunion. He hands it to her, the screen showing Pagan, grinning with obvious flecks of scarlet on his face and Ajay, looking absolutely shocked.]

There. That's Ajay. Don't mind the blood, though. Can't trust soldiers to do anything fucking right.

[dog_eat_dog]

[Tess grins. She's not a stranger to Wranglers herself, and the blood doesn't even register until he mentions it.]

Mmm, he's cute, but he's way too young, and I don't do revolutionaries anymore.

[A little grin.]

I like older men. My last partner was fifty-two.

[crab_rangoon]

Fifty two. Older than me. Good for you!

[He sits back again, crossing his legs.]

How did that go for you? Now you can talk about your fucking life for once.

[dog_eat_dog]

[An amused little huff.]

Probably for the best it didn't work out, but we were partners for about a decade. He was dedicated. Loyal. An old-fashioned romantic, too.

[crab_rangoon]

[He grins.] Wait, wait. It didn't work out but you were together for a decade? Or is this another definition of partner?

Details, Tess. I've sworn all this shit off, so now I need to live vicariously through your shit.

What's romance to you? A fucking bouquet of rifles? Bullets in a heart on the bed?

[dog_eat_dog]

We were never going to be able to get married or live a normal life, and we're a little old for boyfriend and girlfriend, so "partner" is just what we had.

[Vague. Somewhat impersonal, privately negotiated.]

No bouquets, no bullets. He was just the kind of guy who got doors, pulled out chairs, ladies first and all that. I'd laugh it off but I loved it. But I never had to worry when I was with him, I knew he was there to back me up, and he'd take point without needing to be asked. Providing mattered to him. Real men take care of their people.

[crab_rangoon]

[Pagan's not sure if that last sentence is a dig or not, but it's probably more telling that he thinks it might be. He sets his mouth into a line.]

Yeah, well, sounds like a fucking bore. [Said not quite seriously.]

Still, you're a tough bitch, so if it worked for you, then it worked for you. What happened?

[dog_eat_dog]

It was the best part of the last ten years.

[A shake of her head, but it's good-natured enough.]

I died. Told the kid to never mention me again, locked me away in his memories with everyone else he's ever lost. Moved on.

[crab_rangoon]

The kid? Ellie? [He recalls snatches of conversation about her.]

How'd that work out for you? Or...him?

[Moving on after losing someone you were that close to always seems fake to Pagan. No one is ever able to do that.]

[dog_eat_dog]

Yeah, that's Ellie. And he's fine. Me, I've spent the past few months so pissed off at him I can barely stand it.

[crab_rangoon]

Pissed off at him? What the fuck for?

[dog_eat_dog]

[A thousand reasons. All impossible to summarize.]

I was supposed to be dead. I wasn’t supposed to find out about his life after me.

[crab_rangoon]

[Pagan frowns. That sounds...stupid. He's smart enough not to voice it that way.]

What did you want from him? What the fuck did you expect him to be like after you died?

[dog_eat_dog]

[She gives him a dry look.]

Joel was not an easy man to be with, either. He had a lot of fucking baggage –– and I thought I could live with that. But after ten years together, hearing he could just... go on and become a different person after I left the picture? That still doesn't sit right.